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t ARE YOU A MAW? |
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| In Lewis they're called 'Maws', in Uist they are called 'Naatties' and in Skye they are simply 'Locals'. Everybody knows one, but are you sure you aren't one yourself? Amadan has made up a list of ways to tell if you fit the bill - if you can identify yourself with a couple of these, I'm afraid there's no hope for you! |
| 1 | You eat the wrapper as well as the black pudding |
| 2 | You go to church and the supermarket in a tractor and trailer |
| 3 | You look for a partner in the livestock section of the Stornoway Gazette |
| 4 | You go down on your hands and knees to eat your food |
| 5 | You tie your trousers/skirt with binder twine |
| 6 | You tie your shoes with the same |
| 7 | You use 'Castrol GTX' to style your hair |
| 8 | The last time you washed your hair was for the Queen's Silver Jubilee |
| 9 | You buy your underwear from JD William's |
| 10 | You have a tin of 'Raid' on the kitchen table |
| 11. | You like 'Spam' |
| 12. | Your sheepdog retches watching you eat |
| 13. | Going to the toilet involves a walk outside |
| 14. | Your last meal was walking around your house ten minutes before you ate it |
| 15. | You clean your teeth with 'Jif' |
| 16. | You use the 'Free Press' to cover holes in your wall |
| 17. | Less than half the cars round your crofthouse actually work |
| 18. | You send requests into the 'Durachdan' on BBC RnG more than once a week |
| 19. | Your dog sits in the front of your van more often than your spouse |
| 20. | Blythswood refuse to take your cast off clothes |
| 21. | You were in your local bar when your children were born |
| 22. | You've deliberately hit a deer or sheep with your car |
| 23. | You've given a rat trap as a Christmas present |
| 24. | You have been involved in a custody battle over your sheepdog |
| 25. | You clean 'Massey Ferguson' parts in the bath |
| 26. | Your partner weighs more than your fridge |
| 27. | You wear your socks and pants inside out to make them last twice as long |
| 28. | You keep the council wheelie bin in your kitchen |
| 29. | You wash your wellies in the sink without someone yelling at you |
| 30. | You eat herring on a sandwich |
| 31. | You go to the local swimming pool when you need a wash |
| 32. | You clean your fingernails with a stick |
| 33. | You order your teeth from a catalogue |
| 34. | You've mistaken your auntie Murdina for a man |
| 35. | You've tried to drown a fish |
| 36. | Your bed sleeps more than one pet, as well as yourself |
| 37. | There are no left overs when you eat a crab |
| 38. | You have pet names for each of your 150 sheep |
| 39. | You think Kenny MacIver is a celebrity |
| 40. | You have two brothers called Angus |
| 41. | The same wellies have been in your family for five generations |
| 42. | You vacuum your sheets instead of washing them |
| 43. | The strongest smell in your house is 'Calor Gas' |
| 44. | Your kitchen continually smells of fish or boiled mutton |
| 45. | You get dressed up to go to Stornoway/Portree/Castlebay/Balivanaich |
| 46. | You go swimming in the drainage ditch behind your house |
| 47. | You have ever eaten sheeps head broth |
| 48. | You grow a moustache so you look more like your mother |
| 49. | You've ever had to siphon petrol from your tractor to put in the car |
| 50. | You don't own a lawnmower and have never used one |
